You must be Born Again

I first learned about Nicodemus, who came to Jesus at night, from Pastor Robert Hickman at Montvale Evangelical Free Church. That was way back in 1979 when I was 41 years young. At that time Pastor Hickman was my pastoral counselor. I came to him by night because I was working at the Pan Am computer center in Rockleigh, NJ during the day, but I also needed to talk one on one, away from the noise of other people. In one of my counseling sessions, I was attracted by Jesus’ statement to Nicodemus, “You must be born again."  I liked the idea of starting over again, but of course I couldn't go back into my mother's womb, so I listened to Pastor Hickman as he explained to me the Gospel of Jesus Christ and the “spiritual” birth. At first I made jokes because, unlike Nicodemus, I didn't believe in anything spiritual. I was a secular humanist; that was my 20^th century “religion.”

Secular Humanists, like John Dewey on whom I had recently written my doctoral dissertation, had abandoned belief in a spiritual realm of being - no God, no Devil, no Heaven or Hell. The only things that exist are things that can be seen, touched and studied by the scientific method. You can't study God that way so He doesn't exist. Mankind was my god and science was my bible. That's what I believed.

When I came to Pastor Hickman I made no pretense of being “spiritual” in any way. I had left home long ago, had not married, and had chosen to live as a “rugged individualist.” I felt I didn’t need “sustaining” relationships with anyone. I believed I was in control of my own destiny, “If it is to be it all depends on me.” I had even managed to realize my childhood dreams, of getting an education and traveling around the world, without help from anyone except the secular establishment. I was pretty proud of my accomplishments. Like Nicodemus I was well educated in the “religion” of my day. It might also sound like I had also attained power and wealth, but that is not true; I was a computer programmer trainee making $10,000 a year, and my personal life up until then had been more like the Woman at the Well who encounters Jesus in the next chapter of John’s Gospel, rather than like Nicodemus.

As I look back, I know the Holy Spirit had been doing His pre-conversion work to convict me that my Secular Humanist beliefs were wrong; my whole life based on those beliefs was wrong. As I continued my weekly counseling sessions, confessing my sins to Pastor Hickman and reading God's Word, the good news of Jesus Christ began to make sense to me, I wanted to believe, and I prayed the sinner's prayer to receive Him into my heart.

A few days later I was lying on my bed, confessing my sins to God, especially my sinful attitude of ignoring Him all those years, pretending He doesn't even exist. Then the Holy Spirit fell on me with power, my whole body began to shake, bittersweet tears welled up from deep within and became tears of joy as I felt God’s love embracing me, telling me He forgave me and wanted to be a Father to me. He was teaching me, I didn’t have to figure everything out by myself. I began to devour his Word, I was born again.

However, there were still deep emotional wounds that needed healing. You can’t live for many long years, dominated by the fear of Man and the Pride of life, without serious consequences for your Soul. It takes time to be transformed from a self-deceived fool to a mature daughter or son of God, yielded to his Spirit, ever-growing in the fruit of the Spirit. 

God is not finished with me yet!